Ayesha Adeel, M.A. Counselling Psychology
Registered Counselling Therapist (Cand.) | Associate Therapist | EMDR Trained
Are you interested in improving relationship with your partner?
8 tips to change your dynamic and bring you closer to your partner.
Couple relationships are the most beautiful relationships in the world. When life gets hard, one of the best things we have to hold onto is each other. On the other hand, our intimate relationships are the most delicate relationships we have. According to Canadian Divorce Statistics (2022), 40% of the couple relationships have ended in divorce/separation. Common problems encountered in intimate relationships are often rooted in: ineffective communication, emotional avoidance, withdrawal, angry outbursts, infidelity, trust issues, unclear boundaries, sexual issues, life transitions, feelings of loneliness and rejection, and low self-esteem.
To establish meaningful and healthy relationships, consider these 8 steps to deepen and nourish your connection to your partner
Step 1: Change your Narrative
It is not uncommon for members of a couple to want to fix a problem in their partner. However, it is important to know that your partner is not the problem-- the problem is the problem. For example: instead of blaming your partner for having anger issues, think of the anger as the problem which has successfully invaded your relationship and is making its attempt to ruin the relationship.
Step 2: Befriend your emotions
It is very important to acknowledge, accept and feel your emotions, and then observing the role of these emotions in your relationship. It is important to mindfully observe how you feel when your partner is emotionally withdrawn, avoidant or criticizing you.
Step 3: Recognize the messages hidden in your emotions
Every emotion in your body serves a function. It is the way of the brain telling you that there is a problem which needs to be resolved. Avoidance of emotions perpetuates it more.
Step 4: Reflect on the patterns of interactions in relationship
Consider with which emotion you bring to interactions with your partner. Do you bring the emotion of anger, rage, hostility, loneliness, or shame to your interactions? Consider if you become avoidant or distant emotionally in the when you relate to your partner. Observe and reflect on the cycle of patterns which has taken over your relationship and leaves you both alone.
Step 5: Restructure the way you interact with your partner
After recognizing the emotions present in our body as well as in our relationship, it is important to have coping skills to manage emotional impulses when they arise. We can develop skills to use the wisdom inherent in emotion to guide meaning making and inform our actions. The skills lie in restructuring your interactions in a way such that you meet your own emotional needs while bringing understanding and receptivity to your partner’s needs.
Step 6: Engage in conflict lovingly
It is important to understand that no relationship is perfect. However, we can always work towards improving our relationships by working on the imperfections. If we are aware of our attachment needs, have the skill of regulating ourselves emotionally, and have effective communication skills, then we can engage in conflict in a way that honours both members of the couple and the bond between them.
Step 7: Keep watering your relationship
Just as the trees will lose its elegance and beauty if not watered regularly, similarly the relationship also loses its charm and strength if not watered regularly by love. To keep your relationship alive, it is important to spend quality time with each other and expressive your love in different ways.
Step 8: Finding a Safe Space for Self-Disclosure
A safe space can help you to share your story, process the difficult emotions, finding your personal strengths and reconstructing new meaning. Often, it’s a matter of simply reaching out to a good professional therapist for your problem.
If this blog resonated with you, contact firstname.lastname@example.org, or call 902.461.1721 to connect with Ayesha Adeel for an initial therapy session. You can schedule an appointment today to discuss your concerns!
Has it ever been suggested that you are too nice, too sensitive or, too emotional? Do you have difficulty saying no? Do you absorb other people’s feelings? Are you a "people pleaser”? Do you feel overstimulated and need time alone to rejuvenate? Can you use your voice to create
As a Pakistani Canadian Therapist, I have observed that many people from the South Asian Canadian (Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan, Bangladeshi, etc.) community must face many layers of stigma about mental health as part of their journey to access therapy. If you are of South Asian
What is a perinatal mood disorder? Perinatal mood disorders are related to mood and anxiety symptoms which can occur during and after pregnancy. These symptoms can last up to but not limited to one-year post-partum. It’s common for Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) folks to experi